Identity jokes

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

What do you call identical tall people? Twin Towers.

I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.

Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.

What do you call a gay man with a thicc ass?

Fruit cake.

Why do they call it emotion when the root word is emo, but emos don't show emotion?

I wish the grass in my backyard was emo so it would cut itself.

Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

If you are what you eat,

why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?

What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?

Helen Killer.

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Why are most vacuums gay?

They’re always coming out of the closet.

What do you call five Black people having sex?

Threesome.

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?

Barack Obama.

Quin loves Robin. All he says is "Robin." This isn't a joke; Quin's gay.