Identity jokes

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.

It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.

What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?

Barack Obama.

Quin loves Robin. All he says is "Robin." This isn't a joke; Quin's gay.

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.

Why do I support slavery?

Because I’m white.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

Why can't orphans be gay? They have nobody to call "daddy."

When an orphan takes a selfie, it's technically a family photo. :)

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

Q: What happens when emos make out?

A: They don't; they just hang out.

I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.

Your hairline is more bent than your gender.