Identity jokes

What is the most common crime in China?

Identity fraud.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?

E.T. eventually went home!

What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?

Answer: A family photo.

What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?

They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.

Q: What do you call a group of transgender women?

A: The X-Men.

The lines on the pride flag look pretty straight to me!

What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?

It’s the premium version of gay.

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

What do you call a born-again heteroflexible male that is a Christian nationalist who thinks he is bisexual when the LGBT community knows that he is bicurious and that he is on steroids and that the LGBT community knows that he is not telling the truth about that? He is a gay man that is in the closet. He should be forced out of the closet by gay men in the LGBT community by any means necessary if gay men in the LGBT community still want to defend the wall of separation of church and state by any means necessary.

What do you call a Mexican's prison?

The border.

My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.

What is a gay person’s favorite book?

The dictionary.

I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...