Humor
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snow balls.
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
It's a RUF life in Africa.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
John
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
Why is Mars red? Because it saw Uranus! 😂
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)