Humor
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
Memes
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.
I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.
Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.
What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
What's the difference between a knife and my life?
A knife has a point.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"