Humor

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[

I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.

Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.

What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f... altar boys.

What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?

A colonoscopy.

What does a cannibal call people in water?

Sea food.

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"