Sonic Can run around the world in a second. In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
sooo... I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section
I'm funny but sad I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf? When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice....
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister
Daughter: But I don't have a sister
Dad: Exactly
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”
Chuck Norris can make minute made lemonade in 5 seconds.
i want to make a joke about kobe but it wont land well
I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant
1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humon is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans 2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza dosent scream in the oven.
What's a lesbians favorite type of food?
Finger-Food
What is a Necrophiliacs favorite band?
Coldplay
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday
I was gonna do a school shooter joke but it was aimed at younger audiences.
What does a cow say when he remembers something? "I have deja moo!"
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
