Humor

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.

I searched up self harm jokes, clean, but I couldn't find any :[

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.

What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f... altar boys.

What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?

A colonoscopy.

So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)