I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
Humor
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What's harder than steel? Michael Jackson at a playground.
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
