Humor

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?

A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

All school meeting introductions:

Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”

Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”

High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”

So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.

(Also, I banged ya mum ;))

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?

Well, neither did she!

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

There's 3 things I hate.

1. Jokes

2. Lists

3. Irony.

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?

It doesn’t have a home page.

My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.

None of these are jokes... they're all facts!

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

Have you played the game Imagine Dragons? Imagine draggin' deez nuts!