Humor

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

What do you call a mouse with sneakers?

Squeakers!

What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?

Meals on wheels.

Emos are dark people....

...So why are they all white?

Goths are even darker...

SO WHY ARE THEY WHITER!?

If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!

If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.

Shit, I’m never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!

Q. What makes music on your hair?

A. A headband!

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

What did Papyrus say when Sans served spaghetti to Frisk?

BONE-Appetit!

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.

What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!

My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.

Who names their dog Donuts?

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.