Humor
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
What did the shirt say to the pants?
Belt.
If you don't stop with the puns, soon it won't be so fun.
Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?
Because orange is the new black.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
Why does everyone like couch jokes?
Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Q: What kinda bees give milk?
A: Boobees.
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?
One is Super. The other is just soup.
Why can't England play Clash, Chess, or Checkers?
Because they lost their queen.
I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
Why did a girl like bananas?
Because one day she might need to be ready.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."