Boys: “Hey, can billy come out and play baseball?” Mom: “That’s not funny, you know billy doesn’t have any arms and legs” Boys: “I know, we need a third base”
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
They say masterbation is better with a dead arm
Apparently I ruined that funeral
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player”. In Chuck Norris case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
What's the difference between eggs, and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread em?
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
What's the best thing about 28 year old's? -There's 20 of them.
You shouldn’t bully fat people
They already have enough on their plate
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled? The wheelchair floats to the top
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
If you don ́t like my suicidal jokes, sorry man didn ́t know it cut that deep.
i have many jokes about unemployed people but sadly none on them seemed to have worked
