Humor

A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"

The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"

The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."

At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."

The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅

What do you call a booty that can sing?

A crack-up!

On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.

Guys, someone told me to describe my ex as a shop. Boi, he's not a shop! I found him at the lost and found. But if he was one, he'd be the drugstore.

What do asses and secrets have in common?

Both are better when not leaked!

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

That’s right, I have my own category😎

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

"My name is Dezz."

Where did little billy go when he was stuck in a minefield... everywhere.

That joke was pretty dark, but it got pretty light for a second.

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?

They get a discount at the crematorium.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?

Good question.

Why can't people understand these jokes?

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.

What’s worse than spiders on your piano?

Craps on your organ.

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"