Humor

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

What is an orphan's favorite beer?

"Fosters."

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

A side-by-side comparison of a character from an animation with a very wide open mouth and a pink shoe with the tongue hanging out, resembling a wide open mouth. The text "my humor may be broken but this was hilarious" appears above the images. The username and date/time stamp are below the images.

What do you call an Asian receptionist?

Tai Ping.

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run?

The grass tickles their balls.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?

One of them knows the definition of no.

A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."

Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."