I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
Humor
Your forehead is deeper than the ocean.
Yo momma's like a cloud, when she disappears, it's a beautiful sunny day.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
Why did Uranus say gross? Because he saw Uranus.
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.
Dark humor.
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.
What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?
JENGA!!!!
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A: Stoners have papers.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
Quit making plane jokes. They're just plane wrong.
Why did the Indian man refuse to use deodorant? Because he wanted to smell like his natural habitat, the shitter.
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
