Humor
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43?
Floor 44.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
Why is jelly laughing a lot?
Because his friend goes nuts!
Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.
A brunette fought and didn't get raped.
A blonde thought and did get raped.
What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?
They are just two plane.
What does WTC stand for?
"What Trade Centre?"
Yo mama is so ugly, her pictures hang themselves.
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.