Humor
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
It's not a joke.
What do you call an Asian that was born too early?
Wong Tai Ming.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
A Konichiuahua.
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?
Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
What's WWE called in Africa?
Shadow fight.
All the people disliking these jokes are definitely orphans.
Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?
Because she was straight into Jesus.
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43?
Floor 44.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.