Humor

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.

Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.

Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.

Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.

Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.

Chuck Norris uses elevators only in case of fire.