Humor
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
Can February march? -- No, but April may.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.