Humor
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Why was the Milky Way remembered...
Because it's... DELICIOUS!
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
My jokes are cancer.