Humor
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Why was the Milky Way remembered...
Because it's... DELICIOUS!
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
My jokes are cancer.
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.