Humor
69.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas!"
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.