Humor

Me: Hey, are you going to Sawcon?

Sensei: What is that?

Me: Saw con deez nu...

Sensei: Oh, is it for people with ligma?

Me: What’s ligm...

Sensei: 😈

Me: no no no no

Sensei: Ligma ba...

Ever heard of rape jokes?

No?

Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!

Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?

Well, they aren't.

Why?

They aren't repeated customers.

I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.

Why did the cheese blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.

Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?

Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.

Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly.

Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.

So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.

The Earth was flat once. 'Til yo mama got buried.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

Spell "attic."

Okay. A-T-T-I-C. /a titi/ tata. I see.

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

POV: You're sitting here waiting for a good joke. I wait, unfulfilled.

Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.

Am I funny now? Because this is what you brainlets find funny.

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?

Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.