Humor
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
Your face is a joke.
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
Oliver Savage and Dr. Mummy.
bradley
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?
Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
It's a RUF life in Africa.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.