Humor
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because chickens are mindless creatures and do not know any better.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.