Humor
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?
A Sandy Hook.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
I read a book on anti-gravity...
It was impossible to put down.
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
Monkey: What ya doing?
Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."
Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."