Humor
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
Q: What do priests have in common with McDonald's?
A: They both put their meat in 13-year-old buns.
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have schizophrenia,
And so do I.
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.