What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
Humor
Yo mama is so fat, she brought a pencil to early intervention!
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
I went to Pen Island for vacation this summer. There were a lot of bones.
God: “Stephen, join us!”
*sees the staircase to heaven.*
Stephen: “Shit!”
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
What does Jonathan Davis eat for breakfast?
Korn Flakes.
I would have told you a cheesy pun, but it was too cheesy. *picks up cheeses*
What was Osama's favourite food... yer nan?
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
One day a fh iufh uig8v cdy ufh pufvbf ufiu pofiu9fh fiv9fd and a ihefipuivbrivbvhbuirhvbifbvirvueuvgevuebvuerevheubyebubv8ub and a uhckebckjebicbevivhcbehvhbeuybvuebvubvbevcb and one uchercvievciouevihevc98f9p8r78797t587t987dbgioubriogbrihj and they all say we are hacks.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
What are a pedophile"s shoes called?
Answer: WHITE VANS
