Humor
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar. Just kidding :(
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
Your face is a joke.
God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
Oliver Savage and Dr. Mummy.
bradley
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."