God made Adam and Eve.
Satan made Adam and Steve.
Humor
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
I hate people who get offended here, like seriously, it's called dark humor for a reason.
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia—oh wait, no! That’s D!
Oliver Savage and Dr. Mummy.
bradley
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?
Neither did she.
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?
Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
It's a RUF life in Africa.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
