Humor

How is Stephen Hawking dead?

His Windows shit down.

I got a joke.

Allahu Akbar!

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

I don't know either.

Why do you think I asked you? ;)

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"

She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."

The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

What is the highest number?

420.

Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.

It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"

Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.

She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

I guess that corn is a-maize-ing.

What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!

These gags are killing me!

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"

I'm dying to live forever!