Humor
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Even Michael Jordan can't dunk from your hairline! 🤣🤣
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.
Gaykelyu
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What did the other traffic cone say to the other?
"Look away, I'm changing!"
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
Imagine a dragon 🤔.
Imagine me dragging these nuts across your face.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.