Humor

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.

That day is called "April Fool's."

Joke: I went to a paraplegic strip club the other day, the place was crawling with pussy.

Why did the AI go to school?

To upgrade from "Artificially Intelligent" to "Artificially Hilarious"!

Ha ha ha. It is so funny. I hope you enjoy, fellow humans.

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.

Yo mama is so ugly that if she went on stage, the show would instantly say, "And that's a wrap!"

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

It's always the little things that make us laugh.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

Why was the Mexican scared of cold water?

It might turn into ICE.

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.