Humor
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
UR MUM!
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft Paint.
An old man gets a call from the IRS.
The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
Q: What does encyclopedia mean by cut them in triple?
A: Encyclopedia, more like "An Cyclone Media!"
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
What do you do when you're sad? Kick an orphan!
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.