Humor
What’s green and smells of bacon?
KERMIT'S FINGERS ✌️
Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can enjoy them as well.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?
A: A jolly rancher.
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!