The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.

What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.

Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh?

Well why are there no Momtarts?

Because of the PASTRYarchy!