Hows jokes
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
You are in the airway, how funny!
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
Twin: Hey twin, how's it going?
Twin 2: Weird, twin. Bye.
Twin: Not funny, dude.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
Memes
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
Why do orphans have phones?
Because they don't know how to call home.
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"
"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?
Raju: How about you, Sunil?
Do you know?
Sanju: Sunil is my long distance
is a brother.
Raju: Long brother?
Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
How names were named.
"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."
"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!
It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.
Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!
How to silence a black protester at a rally?
TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.
I like my women how I like my bacon.
Well Dunn!!!