Hows jokes
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
How does an orphan call his parents?
"..."
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Memes
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Kick the chair out from under them.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
Hey D.K., how are you? :)
Love you!
How do you organize a rave party in Ethiopia? Just put some bread on the ceiling.
Hey, how is everyone today? Cause I am feeling great!
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.