Hows jokes
Twin: Hey twin, how's it going?
Twin 2: Weird, twin. Bye.
Twin: Not funny, dude.
Why do orphans have phones?
Because they don't know how to call home.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
How do you know Thor has your back?
He's an Asgardian (ass guardian).
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
Hi Explain Bear, how are youuu!
How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.
How would negotiations between Putin and Zelensky play out?
QUEUE THE MUSIC
BANG BANG INTO THE ROOM I KNOW U WANT IT
In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.
You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?
Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?
This is how animals were named.
"Bye Son." *cuts call*. What are we talking about?
"Bison. Perfect."
How names were named.
"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."
"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"