Hows jokes
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
How did 10 die?
Because it was in between 9 and 11.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
Question: How bad is German WiFi?
Answer: It's the wurst.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
How did Caillou quit his party?
He had to cancel it.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.
Lmao, idiots don't know how to play Jenga.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
How does cheese rat cheese?
It cheeses.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
How are urinals made?
They get installed.