For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
How do you win an argument against an emo kid?
Kick the chair out from under them.
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
Somebody asks me: How many YT subs you got?
Me: More than you!
1, 2, 3, A, B, C, D, and there's a D in it and there's also a 3. That's how long your D is!
Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.
Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
How do u get 40 cigarettes in a pack?
U shove them down his throat. 🤣😂
How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
How do orphans have names because they don't have anyone to give them names?
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
