Hows jokes
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
Why do people play basketball?
Because they want to learn how to suck balls.
How are baseball and an orphan different?
A baseball game you can do a home run.
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
How does a train eat?
"Chew chew!"
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
How does an emo greet people?
“What’s down?”
*Shotguns in a nutshell*
2B: MUST.
4B: ADD.
6B: MORE.
12B: *B A R R E L S*
*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."
"Then how about Karaoke?"
To which he replied, "I have two left throats."
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.