Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
Hows Jokes
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
How do Taliban parents feed their babies?
"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
How does the earth rate its sex?
Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.
If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
What is an orphan's least favorite show? “How I Met Your Mother.”
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
How many balls do you have on your body?
2. Your butt.
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
How is toilet paper recycled?
Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
