Hows jokes
How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?
She didn't.
Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
How do you fix an igloo?
With Iglue.
Well.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
How do u catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?
Answer: 16
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost internet connection.
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
How to get your joke on every category? Michael Jackson, towers, morbid, emo, school, short, penis, sects, little Jonny.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.