Howe jokes

Baby

How do you turn a baby into a dog?

Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!

Wine

I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.

Mother

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?

She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

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  • Memes

    Child

    How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?

    More than ten, apparently.

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  • Incest

    How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!

    Feminist

    How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

    One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

    ...just kidding-

    - none. They can't change anything.

    Helen Keller

    How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

    They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

    Nun

    A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”

    The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”

    The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

    Black kid

    How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

    Grandma

    My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."

    World hunger

    Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

    Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

    Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

    Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

    Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

    Me: ...

    Friend

    My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.

    Orphan

    How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.

    Hippie

    How do you know a hippie is on her period?

    Her socks are missing.

    How do you know she's off?

    Her socks are tye-dye.

    Blind

    At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.

    On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.

    “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

    Lightbulb

    How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

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  • Abortion

    Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."

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