Howe jokes
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
Memes
how fun
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."