Howe jokes
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
Memes
me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.