Howe Jokes

What is similar between sex and fishing?

It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"

How much pussy does a priest get? None.

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?

A: Look in a mirror.

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

How do you punish a blind man?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.

I like my women how I like my fridge.

In the kitchen.

Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?

A: You wave at them.

I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.

How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?

It doesn’t have a home page.

A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold