Howe jokes
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
I Googled "How to start a Wildfire." It gave me 28,452 matches.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
Memes
meme:
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!