Howe jokes
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
How did I get to Iraq? I ran.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
Memes
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.