How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
Why do orphans suck at GTA? Because they don't know how to be wanted.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?
One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.
...just kidding-
- none. They can't change anything.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
