Howe jokes

Do trees pee?

How else do we have No. 1 pencils?

My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"

Me "OH NO" 💀

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

how to solve world hunger and over population?

Cannibalism.

How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They hire me to do it.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.

How do you fuck a cow?

Find the nearest Karen.

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.

Why do orphans suck at GTA? Because they don't know how to be wanted.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"