Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
Hey Explain bear, how would you like to be replaced by #ExplainNibbles the hamster AI?
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
Hi Explain Bear, how are youuu!
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
How many children does Explain Bear have?
Juice WRLD really died, then how is he posting videos today?
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
How many East Asians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tu.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question, feminists don't change anything.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
