Howe jokes
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.
Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.
A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?
How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?
Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.