Howe jokes

Woman

How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?

She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’

Twin Towers

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

Torture

How do you torture an autistic dude? Start a staring contest.

Orphan

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.

Michael Jackson

How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.

Abortion

How do you flatten curves?

With an abortion.

Common

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

German

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

Women

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

Blind

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

Blind

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

Adult

How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?

Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.

Gay

How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?

They only have a back door.

Chinese

How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)

Blind

How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.

Woman

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Gay

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

Twin Towers

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.