How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her p*ssy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!
This is how my mom always threatens me: I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too. That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb? None. Feminists can't change anything.
How to know if your wife is dead ; well the sex is still trash ;but the dishes really start to pile up
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true and then the person is a victim for sure.
How did stephen hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall
How many babys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more then 9 cause my basement is still dark
How many babys does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate.......
Why was baptism invented. How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
How do you make a emo jump
A cliff
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
I like my women how I like my wine
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement
Q: How do you know a wishing well works? A: If your mother-in-law falls down it
How many gay guys can u fit on a bar stool? Four just flip it over.
How did the black woman name her 4 babies? Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone How did she differentiate them? She called them by their last names
