Howe jokes

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.

How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?

Sing a koala-by.

How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

I like my women how I like my wine.

14 years aged and locked in a cellar.

Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"

Woman: "Sure."

Man: "How about for ten dollars?"

Woman: "What do you think I am?"

Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."

Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?

A: He rapes D minor.

On a scale of 1-10, how old was Michael Jackson’s last boyfriend?

How do orphans have a family reunion?

They use a Ouija board.

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

They unplugged the wifi.

How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.

How do you know when a football player has been to jail?

When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

How do you make a plumber sad?

Kill his family.

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."