How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
How do you make rape funny? Tickle her while you do it.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
How do orphans have a family reunion?
They use a Ouija board.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
I like my men how I like my coffee...
WITHOUT A FUCKING VAGINA!
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
How did the rich save the poor?
They didn't let them in the Titanic.
