My ex boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket check out for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
Yḱnow how in pinocchio the french puppets have the thigh rings? Well I got em too! Only red and thinner.
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them “because I’m such a noose-ance.”
how do you get a depressed man out of the tree, you cut the rope
me: "comment if you love yourself and give me a reason" friends: comments give reason me: "notice how i commented nothing day later mom: let me see your tik tok me: shows her the video mom: calls suicide JK she just beat me for posting a video on her
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles, His teacher asked "Three birds where sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said "No, but I like the way you think!" Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said "Little Johnny!" He replied "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
How did Stephen Hawking die? There was a power outage
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
you know how 7 ate 9 why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9 11 🤣
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling
