How To jokes
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
How do you finger a feminist? Shake her hand and call her Theresa.
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
How to write like a Parkinson’s victim:
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
How to not exist: Kys.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
How to make an orphan's hand bleed? By making them clap until their parents come back.
How do you sex?
With penis!
Jajajajja funny joke epic laugh. I have been detained, please help!
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."
Why do orphans suck at GTA? Because they don't know how to be wanted.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...