How To jokes
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
How do blind kids get punished?
By moving the furniture around the house.
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
How to kick a deaf person off the plane:
Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.
Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.
Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.
How to surprise a blind man: put a plunger in the toilet!
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
How to get your joke on every category? Michael Jackson, towers, morbid, emo, school, short, penis, sects, little Jonny.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
Poipole walks into a bar and says “poipoipoipoi.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, but in order to get takeout, you have to know how to speak a foreign language.” Poipole says “Pika!”
How to become a monkey?
Put a red dot on your forehead.