How To jokes
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
What's the number one thing in an orphan's search history?
"How to find a family."
In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23-degree angle.
She then drew a 67-degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said, "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing," and the second one chimed in, "And I love what you've done with your hair."
The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going on. She sighed and said, "Well, these angles are supposed to be complementary, but I guess they don't know how to spell."
How to fart:
Let it go, let it go.
There's a saying that goes, "Only gay men know how to dress." Of course they know how to dress! They were in the closet!
I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
How to silence a black protester at a rally?
TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.
It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.
Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."