How To jokes
How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.
Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.
Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
How to make emo cakes:
Milk Butter Eggs Sugar We're Going Down Swinging!
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
What did the plane say to the twin towers?
"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he knew how to count his bars!
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
What can a physically handicapped ♿ gay man 👬 do on his own very well 👏 without being taught how to do?
Perform fellatio on gay men.
Why do people play basketball?
Because they want to learn how to suck balls.
You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."