How To jokes
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.
How to not exist: Kys.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.
Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.
Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?
Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!
Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.
I love teaching students
how to make them harm themselves.
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...
Are they just given a quick crash course?