Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
How To Jokes
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
Do you want to know how the NY Jets got their name?
What did the plane say to the twin towers?
"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)
How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
If you don’t know how to braid, hit that follow button, let’s gooo!
What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?
Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker đź–• that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Why do orphans not know how to spell?
Because no one likes them, dumb people. đź¤đź¤ˇ