How Many jokes
How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.
Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
poor police
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
How many East Asians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tu.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
How many Daveons does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he prefers to stay in the dark.
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.