So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes one but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.
how many russians does it take to change a light bulb. I don't know they just keep Putin them in.
Teacher, there is 3 birds 1 gets shot how many are left.
Student, non they flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, acautly 2 but i like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there is 3 women eating ice cream 1 licking it 1 drinking it melted and 1 sucking it which one is married.
Teacher,the one sucking it?
Student, no the one with the ring but i like the way you think.
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
How many dead baby's does it take to change a light bulb?
Well It's not 8 because my basement is still dark
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?
'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How many times do yo tickle a squid before it laughs???
TEN-TICKLES
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips? 1, if the bag is family size
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? none they cant change anything
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
