How Many jokes
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change anything.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"
The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"
How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?
Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
Huh, I'm really pissed off. No matter how many jokes I make, no one likes them. 😭😭:'(:':😔😔😿💔💔👇👇:(
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.