Housework jokes

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?

"Probably the dishes."

Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?

How do you know when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

I believe in a woman's right to choose...

...whether she wants to cook first and then clean or clean first and then cook.

The maid asked her boss, the wife, for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maid: "No, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.

If you're cleaning a vacuum, aren't you the vacuum cleaner?

How do you know your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.

Why are wives also called a housekeeper?

Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.