One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"
He started crying.
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.
I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"
She started crying.
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
What did the creep do when the woman said, āMake yourself at home?ā
He hid in her attic.
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.
Girl: Wanna come over to my house?
Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
What did the floor say to the ceiling?
"I look up to you."
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
You're so poor, when a robber robs your house, they feel bad for you and just leave.
