House jokes

Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.

If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,

that's a big red flag!

I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.

Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

What movie do orphans hate? Full House 🏠

African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"

Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."

African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*

The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found

There is gonna be a huge party at the orphanage tonight because the parents ain't home.

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

What kind of dress does a Roblox Floppa house have?

"ADDRESS!"

An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."

A homeless kid once said he will go home.

A) Why don't orphans play Minecraft Online?

Q) Because Technoblade will get their I.P. address and cum to their houses!

Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?

Because he was about to kick the cabinet.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

Why can't orphans play video games?

Because they don't have a home screen.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.