Home jokes
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)
Why was the baseball player stuck in the stadium?
'Cause he made his home run.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why can't orphans open a website?
Because they don't have a home page.
The orphan can’t play soccer because he doesn’t know where home is, and his school is too dumb to learn.
I suck at baseball. I can’t find home plate. Oh wait...
You can't give an orphan homework.
Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.
Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.
The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.
Why do orphans hate plane rides?
Because there’s no home to come back to.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't make it to home plate.
Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."
Why can't orphans go to homecoming? Because they don't have a home to go to.
Why didn't the bear leave home?
He could not bear leaving his family.