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Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: π. My depression: remeber that one tim...... Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we..... Me: nope. My deprssion: *says really fast*:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: π³πΆπ. My depression: π dont worry I'll always be here for you.
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I wish my dad was home I havenβt seen him since the shot of 2008
the day after chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital
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What story does an orphan always get kicked out of? Home Depot.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath.....when all of a sudden.....I felt a tap on my shoulder.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home? Answer; When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the Doctor's office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Girl: I've been a orphan since I was three.
Boy: knock knock.
Girl: ..Who's there?
Boy: not your parents!
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes
I got a orphan a Iphone 6 I told him to press the home button he has been doing it all day
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A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
