Holiday jokes
What do orphans get for Christmas?
Lonely.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
What do orphans get on Xmas?
Lonely.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day? Because they don’t have a mother to give to!
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
Guys, what should I be for Halloween (aka tomorrow)?
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.