Holiday jokes
What do orphans get for Christmas?
Lonely.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
What do orphans get on Xmas?
Lonely.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Memes
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
Why do orphans go on holiday?
To see what family is like.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
What do you read on Halloween?
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
Father: "Fritz, light the Christmas tree!"
Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."