Holiday jokes
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Guys, what should I be for Halloween (aka tomorrow)?
What do orphans get on Xmas?
Lonely.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
This Jake
Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day? Because they don’t have a mother to give to!
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.
Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
What do orphans get for Christmas?
Lonely.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
Why do orphans go on holiday?
To see what family is like.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.