Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
I put the Christmas balls in my sack.
Hey guys, I have a question.
Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Then what is Halloween?
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Tis the season to be spooky.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
"Eeee, is a time for a tree night out to a tree. 🌲 I can fly to the earth day to day day one night type and a walk in and a tree."
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
