Holiday jokes
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
What do orphans get for Christmas?
Lonely.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.
Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
Why do orphans go on holiday?
To see what family is like.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
What do you read on Halloween?
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
Guys, what should I be for Halloween (aka tomorrow)?
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"