Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
Why was Santa Santa?
Because it was Santa! Hahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.
What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?
HO HO HO
