Holiday jokes
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
Flip 1134 over on a calculator.
Happy holidays!
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
"You gotta bleed before you teeth."
- Santa Claus
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"